ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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