And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
