Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
