your thong is hanging out like whoa
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
