Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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