totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
