i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
