He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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