I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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