what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
