Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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