peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
