He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
