I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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