The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
