You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
