the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
