So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want a musical about memes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
