He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Text me some of your sweat
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
