4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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