I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
