She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
