He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
