she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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