I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
