eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
