You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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