Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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