He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
