guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My vagina is very pro this idea
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
