I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
