he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
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