I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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