She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
