oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
