Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
