he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My vagina just clenched in fear
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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