if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
