I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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