Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
