I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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