Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ketchup is God's man juice
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
