The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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