i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
