cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
