i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
