someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
