I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
