White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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