11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I wear drunk well.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
