see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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