I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
